


of all the classrooms, in all the towns, in all the world

by Arlene0401



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Drinking, Drunken Kissing, Drunken Makeouts, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Build, Slurs, Smoking, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-08-11 19:14:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7904398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arlene0401/pseuds/Arlene0401
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is twelve and quite content being the odd one of his junior high class - his flashbacks of what must have been a former life are a bother, but at least he's scary enough that the other kids leave him alone. Until the new kid comes to the class, a kid in which Levi recognizes the man who pressed his face in the mud, in another life, another world. Instant dislike is unavoidable... but can he really keep up hating this nerdy goofball? Six years later, Levi and Mike are best friends and roommates, but a lot of things are still left unspoken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	of all the classrooms, in all the towns, in all the world

**Author's Note:**

> My first contribution to the nsfw SNK MiniBang! Please make sure to check on tumblr so you also see the amazing artworks!  
> [nyranin1](http://nyranin.tumblr.com/post/149648782793/aaaand-here-are-the-arts-for-the-second-story-ive)  
> [nyranin2](http://nyranin.tumblr.com/post/149648871383/heres-the-second-one-for-glassesgirl0401s)  
> [nyranin3](http://nyranin.tumblr.com/post/149648970318/and-the-last-one-and-my-personal-favorite-art-for)  
> [levichiieru](http://levichiieru.tumblr.com/post/149647858650/not-sure-what-to-post-since-its-my-first-minibang)  
> Shoutout to my lovely beta sciencefictioness (as well as the rest of the Skype gang who kept me going and threw tons of input, virtual hugs and cookies at me)

Second month of junior high, and Levi was bored out of his mind already. He had set his hopes that there might be less childish assholes around than in elementary school. Well, there weren't any, but in a way it was even worse - he was surrounded by juvenile assholes instead.

 

Juvenile assholes who carried their brains in their pants 24/7, despite not even having functional gear down there yet… or a clue about what to do with it.

 

Levi could have told them.

 

He could have told them a lot of things, like how lucky they were to grow up in a world that wasn't free of sorrow but at least didn't hold the risk of being eaten alive by a 15m giant. What it was like to live caged behind walls, or worse still, in some stinking filthy cavern that never saw sunlight.

 

Levi didn't fantasize about these things, he knew them. Knew without a doubt that in a former life he had been a soldier, ordered to kill those man-eating giants, equipped with razor-sharp blades and strap-on gear that allowed you to practically fly.

 

From an early age, he had memories that related in no way to his life, and his mother had worried about a multitude of possible mental disorders and sent him to psychiatrists and therapists. The memories hadn´t stopped, but Levi learned to distinguish them from his recent life and shut up about them.

 

He wasn't hallucinating. He wasn't imagining. He just remembered. 

 

It was weird having to grow up with memories of another lifetime wedged in a brain that was too young to comprehend what it was seeing. Thankfully most of what he remembered was more or less appropriate for his age, so the older he grew the more he recalled. But sprinkled in were bits and pieces of his former adult self, unrelated and confusing. What he could puzzle together was that there had been a lot of fighting, some kind of war. Blood and rage and the feeling of a tremendous loss and loneliness. There were faces, too - his mother and uncle, the same as in this life, although they had been reborn without any recollection of their former selves. A redheaded girl with pigtails and a tall blond boy, seemingly friends. Men and women in some kind of military uniforms - a tall blond with a crappy bolo tie, of all things, who for some reason he connected with both feelings of hatred and deep, profound respect and loyalty. Some adolescents who regarded him with respect and fear, maybe subordinates.

 

All in all, Levi couldn't complain about his current life. He had a decent home and enough to eat, his mother and uncle were there to care for him, and he could actually go to school. He liked going to school and learning, but the other kids pissed him off to no end. In his eyes, they were so grossly immature, so selfish and ungrateful for everything they had. They whined and moaned about not getting this toy or that game, about homework and being forced to clean up their rooms. These were such petty and trivial hiccups, compared to the very existential fears and deficits he recalled so vividly, that he could only scoff at them.

 

Because he liked learning, because he was respectful and affectionate towards his mother, and because he loved clean and proper clothing, his dislike for other children was mutual. He might have ended up as the target of pranks and teasing, but at the age of 6 he had already adopted a scowl that made Damien Thorn look like a sweet little boy. Plus he had fists and wasn’t shy about using them.

 

The first week of junior high had already seen him in detention for breaking the newly appointed class bully’s nose, but it had been worth it for the satisfying crunch of bone under his knuckles. Since then he was given a wide berth and enjoyed relative peace. He only wished that lessons were a little more demanding. As things were, he spent a lot of time doodling and goofing off while he listened with only one ear.

 

That was why, when the new student was introduced, he only registered it in the back of his mind. Just another blockhead to fill the classroom with incessant babbling and cheap deodorant stench. He spared the kid a fleeting glance and registered dirty blond hair, a ratty Pacman t-shirt and trainers - my god, where did he even come from? Straight from the 80s?

 

The other kids nudged elbows and whispered. Levi sensed they were checking the newcomer, trying to discern which drawer to file him away into. Probably with the nerds. As long as he didn’t see Levi as another outcast and try to befriend him, fine.

 

The teacher asked the boy a question, and something about his voice as he answered made Levi look up again and regard him more closely. Angular face. A rather large, straight nose. Strong chin. Calm eyes that observed the class without a hint of nervousness. And then he did something that sent Levi’s heart dropping right to his knees.

 

He sniffed the air.

 

Suddenly Levi was kneeling on the ground, his hands bound behind his back. He was exhausted, humiliated and livid. He was asked something, and as he refused to answer, refused to show respect to his captors.  Then a strong hand gripped the back of his face and forced him facedown into a putrid, stinking puddle. He sputtered and struggled to no avail, because the man holding him down was nearly twice his weight. He knew they wouldn’t drown him, not before they got what they wanted from him, but that didn’t stop his body from instinctively panicking and his lungs aching to breathe.

 

Then he was pulled back up by his hair, roughly, and he gulped for air, dirty water streaming down his face. His vision was clouded, and when he blinked, a face at his side came into focus. A face that regarded him with cold calculation, eyes nearly hidden by long parted bangs, a moustache above lips that were curled in contempt. The face of…

 

“Mike Zacharias!” Levi blurted out. He was back in the classroom, and everybody stared at him. The new boy’s face had whipped around to him in surprise.

 

“Oh, so you already know each other? Excellent!” the teacher exclaimed. “Now then, Mike, you can sit next to Levi. What a lucky coincidence you already have a familiar face here!”

 

“But I…”, Mike stammered, gaze flitting between the teacher and Levi, who looked at him with pure murder in his eyes. Then he thought better of it and slowly made his way to the table at the back of the class. By the time he sat down he had already regained his composure and pointedly ignored his neighbor´s blatant wrath, which only made Levi´s blood boil even more.

 

The lecture proceeded then, and while the teacher turned her back to them, Mike regarded Levi with a mixture of curiosity and amusement. “So… did I steal your lunch pack sometime back in kindergarten? I can't recall your face, but whatever it is I obviously did to you, I'm sorry.”

 

“Shoving my face underwater and nearly drowning me won´t be fixed with a plain ´sorry´, asshole”, Levi hissed.

 

Mike jerked back as if Levi had physically slapped him. “Wait, what? Man, I would never do such a thing! What are you talking about?” He looked genuinely concerned and panicked. “You mean… you mean someone did that to you? Seriously? Man, that's just… fucked up.”

 

He seemed sincere enough, and part of Levi realized that Mike had no clue what he was talking about, and that he could hardly blame the kid for what his former self had done in another lifetime. Still, he was only twelve years old, and ignoring it was asking too much of his twelve year old self's ability of reflection. He leaned closer threateningly.

 

“Just don´t. Ever. Talk to me again if you want your kneecaps intact. Got it?” Without waiting for Mike´s reaction, he opened his textbook and started taking notes.

 

**********

 

 

Mike Zacharias adjusted quickly. Despite his looks - constantly unkempt hair, tattered trainers and an endless flow of cringeworthy game and promotional t-shirts - he managed to find his place in the class. He neither bullied nor brown-tongued, and his interest in other people's quirks and hobbies seemed genuine. He shrugged off the laughter he earned for his Classic GameBoy addiction and his terrible skateboard skills. Eventually, the laughter died down. Poking fun at someone who is immune to it is… well, no fun. 

 

Levi totally didn't watch Mike - hell, why should he watch someone whose guts he hated - but he became aware that Mike seemed to have an instinctive skill at avoiding trouble. He had no idea if it had something to do with this weird sniffing thing Mike did from time to time, yet every time a fight broke out Mike would never be involved, but among those who separated the squabblers and calmed them down. Sometimes he'd catch the attention of someone who was obviously seething and engage them in some harmless conversation to distract them.

 

True to Levi´s demand, Mike didn't talk to him, but annoyingly insisted on acknowledging his existence with a nod and a smile every morning. It was infuriating. How could you hate someone like that? It felt like kicking a spaniel. You couldn't keep up loathing someone who was honestly pleased at beating their own high score at Tetris and who played every single character that Suikoden had to offer with stubborn determination.

 

About two weeks after they met, Levi stumbled across Mike outside of school. He was cycling home from his jiu jitsu class, in a state of blissed exhaustion, when he saw Mike limping along the sidewalk with his skateboard under his arm. Once he  passed the other boy he glanced over his shoulder, and what he saw made him slam on the brakes and skid to a halt.

 

“What the fuck happened to you?”

 

Mike’s right pant leg was ripped and showed a bleeding knee underneath. His right elbow and both palms were bleeding too, and there was a large abrasion on his cheek. He stopped in his tracks and scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

 

“Erm… took a tumble down the stairs in the park.”

 

“One of these days you’re gonna fucking kill yourself with that board.”

 

“That’s what my mom keeps telling me, but…” Mike shrugged. “I reckon with more practice I’ll get better.” He started walking again, and Levi let his bike trundle.

 

“Where do you live?”

 

“Why… in Stohess.” Mike sounded puzzled.

 

“That’s on the other side of town.” Levi shuffled a pebble around with the toe of his black shoe.

 

Mike hummed an affirmative.

 

“That’s a long ass walk with a fucked up knee.” The pebble was an incredibly interesting object.

 

“I… uh… I guess I’ll manage.” Mike, too, was fascinated by the pebble.

 

Levi sighed heavily, already hating himself for what he was about to say. “Hop on. I’ll give you a ride.”

 

Mike opened his mouth, but Levi cut him off with a scalding glare. “One fucking word about my size or my bike’s size and you’ll walk.”

 

Mike assembled his limbs onto the carrier and tried not to drop his board. Then he waited for Levi to start.

 

“What are you, fucking stupid? You have to hold on or you’ll fall.”

 

“My hands are bloody and dirty. I don’t want to soil your shirt.”

 

For a second, Levi was stunned. “It’s okay. Shirts can be washed, you know. I won’t bite. Not now, anyway.”

 

Mike’s good arm snaked around his belly, and Levi took off, albeit a little wobbly. Shit, he was strong, but this hunk was fucking heavy. He gritted his teeth and pedaled harder.

 

For a couple of miles they rode in silence except for Levi’s labored breathing. 

 

“Erm, Levi?”

 

“Shut… the… fuck… up… `m doing… fine…”, Levi wheezed.

 

“No, I mean, I had a weird dream about you a few days ago.”

 

“I’m beside... myself… with joy.”

 

“It was really weird, because… you were an adult, and you could fly, well, you had some sort of wires supporting you, and…”

 

CRASH.

 

Levi’s foot had slipped of the pedal, he jerked the handlebar around, and in horrible slow motion they toppled over.

 

When the screeching and cluttering noises had stilled and only the bent front wheel gave a movie cliché tired squeak, Mike’s voice wafted over from the ditch in which he’d landed.

 

“No offense, man, but I’m walking.”

 

“Agreed”, Levi groaned from under his bike.

 

**********

 

“So you and I have lived before and known each other?” Mike asked for the x-th time as they slowly hobbled through quiet suburban streets, Levi pushing his ruined bike.

 

“Seems like it,” Levi replied. “The uniform you described is exactly the same as the one I’ve seen. My mom and my uncle are the same people, but they can’t remember anything. They always thought I was off my rocker.”

 

“And now?”

 

“I don’t talk about it anymore. So they think I’m fine.”

 

“So…,” Mike gestured between the two of them, “we were what? Enemies?”

 

Levi shook his head. “I don’t think so. From my adult life, I’ve only ever recalled snippets, but it seems we had a rough start and then got along. There was another man… Erwin… I think he ordered you to do it. And later he was my superior, and I trusted him.” He shrugged. “Don’t know if it makes sense. I don’t really understand it myself.  Most of the things I see are from my childhood so far.”

 

It was a relief, such a relief, to be able to talk to someone who believed him and took him seriously. Mike listened intently as he talked about growing up in the caves underground, the dirt, the constant hunger. His mother dying on him when he was still little, and his uncle taking care of him, although he was definitely not ‘father material’... and teaching him things that no child should ever have to know.

 

“I wonder… I wonder if I even want to remember more of this.”

 

“It’s not like you can do anything about it. Maybe meeting me triggered it in you. Sorry.”

 

“No, I don’t think it’s like that”, Mike replied with confidence. “If it was, your family would remember by now, too, wouldn’t they?”

 

To this, Levi found no answer, and they trudged on until they came to Mike’s house. Levi wanted to say goodbye, but Mike would have nothing of it.

 

“Come on in and grab a drink and clean up a little, man.” At the front door, Mike turned around, suddenly seeming a bit unsure. “Guess I’ll have to warn you, though. I don’t bring other kids home often, so… my mom tends to get kind of intense when I do. It’s… a little embarrassing, but she means well.” He blushed and fidgeted a little, so different from the always collected Mike at school.

 

“It’s okay. I have never brought anyone home, and if I ever do I bet my mom will completely lose her cool and humiliate me into the next century. They’re mothers. They care.”

 

Mike nodded, opened the front door and called inside. “Mom? I’m home. I brought someone with me.” They sidled inside, and a woman’s head appeared in a doorway at the back of the house.

 

“Mikey? You have a friend with you? How lovely! Do you want some iced tea or soda? I can fix you some in just a minute.” While she talked, she came into the hallway and wiped her hands on a kitchen towel. “Or do you...oh my god! What happened to you? Michael Zacharias, did you get into a fight?”

 

She was a tall, stout woman, and with the way she towered over them now Levi felt a rare urge to bail.

 

“No, mom. I crashed with my skateboard, and then Levi offered me a ride home, but we crashed with his bike too.”

 

Her demeanor changed from threatening to compassionate in a millisecond. Levi found himself shoved into a bathroom with an antiseptic, fresh towels and a pair of Mike’s bermudas and a t-shirt to clean up and change while she tended to Mike’s injuries which needed a little more treatment than Levi’s scratches. When Levi emerged the bathroom, his torn pants were snatched from him for patching and his shirt stuffed into the washing machine despite his protests.

 

A few minutes later Levi was seated in a stuffed game room with an ice cream soda and still wondered what the fuck had happened to his life.

 

“Hey, you want to play a game?” Mike asked and started rifling through a collection of PS2 games. “What about Kingdom Hearts? Or Final Fantasy 10?”

 

“To be honest, I know fuck all about games”, Levi admitted. Mike regarded him over his shoulder like he couldn’t believe his ears. Then he stuffed a cherry lollipop in his mouth and handed a game controller to Levi with an air of superiority.

 

“You will, man. You will.”

 

**********

Two hours later, Levi knew a lot more about video games. Nearly everything Mike had were rpgs for single players, so he insisted that Levi play while getting instructions shouted in his ear. It didn’t make sense at all to him that he was a boy with ridiculously oversized shoes and an equally large key, and why he was accompanied by Goofy and Donald of all people was beyond him. But it was fun nonetheless, and Mike seemed to enjoy directing him through the game just as much as playing it himself.

 

Later in the afternoon Mike’s father returned from work and, upon hearing what happened, insisted on taking Levi home by car, in his freshly washed and patched pants and shirt, the bike jammed into the car trunk.

 

Levi turned around and waved Mike goodbye. “See you in school tomorrow, asshole.”

 

Mike waved back. “See you, fuckface.”

 

**********

There are few things in life that can bond you deeper than taking a mutual tumble on a bicycle. At school, they became inseparable… not that any outstander could understand it, because Mike was still an easy going charmer and Levi a glowering menace. Levi helped Mike with his homework, namely maths and physics, and getting his stuff organized, while Mike dragged Levi to several club activities. Levi had avoided them like the plague so far, but he (silently) agreed that the chess club, the “cakes for cash” fundraising club and the parkour club were right down his alley. Mike did parkour as well and was asked to join the basketball team.

 

Some weeks after the beginning of their friendship Levi worked up the courage to invite Mike over to his house. Kuchel Ackerman, who had vowed to love and support her unique son unconditionally, greeted the guest politely. Then she staggered into her bedroom and wept. Twelve years. Twelve long years without sleepovers, birthday parties and screeching children messing up the lawn with pool parties and sand fights were finally coming to an end. One friend may not be much, but for a kid like Levi… one friend was the world.

 

**********

“Levi?”

 

“Hmm?” Levi, 14 years old, was pouring over his notes about the Industrial Revolution. He was lying on Mike’s bedroom floor and gnawing his pencil - an unhygienic habit that he loathed but seemed unable to stop.

 

“D´you ever get… wet dreams?”

 

Levi nearly choked on his spit. “What the fuck, man?”

 

Mike sat on the floor with his back against the bed and was intently focused on his book, ears and cheeks tinged pink. For some months now, soft blond fuzz had appeared on his upper lip, and his voice had dropped considerably (after some, admittedly, hilarious cracking).

 

Levi sighed. “Uh, I reckon if you didn't have any so far… it's about time. Do you jerk off?” He regarded his friend, who dropped the book and hid his blistering face in his hands. If he got any redder now, Levi mused, it might result in a spontaneous combustion.

 

“I don't want to talk about it.”

 

“Well, you’re the one who brought it up,” Levi pointed out.

 

From somewhere behind Mike's arms a mumbled “Sometimes” could be heard.

 

“So? You're 14, you're rim full of hormones, it would be pretty weird not to tease the weasel. What's your problem?”

 

“It´s… it´s… the stuff I dream about. Or think about. Uh.”

 

“Like what? Your grandma in a pantyhose? Sheep? Vacuum cleaners?”

 

“Jeez, no, nothing like that! Sometimes it’s girls, like Hester, you know Hester, she has these really pretty little…”

 

“Mike.”

 

“Uh, boys. It’s mostly… boys.”

 

“...boys.”

 

“Um… yeah.” Mike licked his lips nervously and shot Levi a tentative glance before quickly looking away again.

 

“And your exact concern being…?”

 

“My concern being? My concern? Fuck, I don’t know any people who are… who are…”

 

“Gay.”

 

“Yes, that, and most people aren’t too happy around someone who’s…”

 

“Gay, Mike, for fuck’s sake say it. You’re gay. Or bi. Or whatever.”

 

“And… and… what if people hate me… what if my mother hates me… or dad, or you…”  Mike suddenly burst into tears.

 

Shocked, Levi dropped his pencil and crawled over to where Mike sat. He hugged the taller teen awkwardly.

 

“Mike, you big doofus, my giant asshole, there is no way in hell I’d ever hate you. You can be as gay as RuPaul for all I care, and I bet you all I have that your parents will love you no less.”

 

Mike leaned into him and dug his fingers into Levi’s t-shirt, and Levi held him and let him cry. When the tears had mostly dried off and the sobs had quieted to sniffles, Mike wiped his face with his hands.

 

“Okay, how about I get the huge crybaby something to drink. And then we’ll switch on your computer and look for some websites for gay teens or something. Sound good?”

 

Mike laughed shakily. “Yeah. Thanks, man.” Levi made to get up, but Mike held on to his sleeve. He looked up at Levi with red rimmed eyes. “Seriously, thank you, Levi. I wouldn’t know what to do without you.”

 

“Anytime, man.”  Levi brushed it off, and quickly made his way to the door. He didn’t want to let Mike see him swallow around the giant lump in his throat.

 

After they had browsed the internet and found several atrocious but some decent websites, Mike had calmed down some. He decided to sort things out a little more by himself before he told his parents, but he didn’t want to keep it a secret from them for long either. Throughout his life, they had been nothing but supportive of him, and he trusted - hoped - that they would support him in this as well.

 

By the time Levi straddled his bike to head home, Mike was smiling again as he waved him off. Levi slowly pedaled through the darkening streets and felt glad that he hadn’t blurted out that one of the things that crossed his mind regularly when he jerked off was Mike.

 

**********

Mike  speed vaulted over the metal bannister of the stairway, landed on the walkway below, ran a few steps and swung himself up into a handstand on the wall on the other side. He did a perfect backwards somersault over a trashcan, landed in a roll and came up to his feet in one fluid movement. Levi loved watching Mike practicing parkour. His skills had picked up incredibly, and now watching him jump and vault was almost like watching the freely flying Mike from Levi’s memories.

 

Mike’s basketball coach, however, would pop a vessel if he saw this - he had begged the teen time and again to stop his high-risk hobby, because he didn’t want to lose one of his best players to injury. 

 

Levi was a regular in the gymnastics team - his specialities were the horizontal bar and the rings, both of which required a great deal of muscular strength as well as reflexes and balance. Lately, Mike showed up regularly for Levi’s training - to ogle sweaty biceps and thighs, Levi suspected.

 

Mike sauntered over to where Levi sat on the stairs, made a cartwheel and came to sit next to him. “You zoning out or something?”

 

“Er… just thinking about my biology assignment.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“About primates’ brains. I thought about dissecting yours.”

 

“Ass.” Mike grabbed him and ruffled his hair. Levi punched him, and Mike stopped, but let his arm draped around Levi’s shoulders.

 

“Levi… I think I got a girlfriend.”

 

“You think so?” Levi echoed, incredulously. “Aren’t you supposed to be the first to know?”

 

Mike chuckled, a little uncomfortably. “I guess you’re right. There’s this girl I’ve been seeing a couple of times - Sandra from the cheerleaders? - and, well, now she wants to hold hands and kiss… and… stuff.”

 

Levi mimicked astonishment. “Oh my gosh, a cheerleader going for the star of the basketball team, I’ve never heard something like this before.”

 

“Seriously, Levi, I’m trying to discuss something with you.”

 

Levi shrugged. “Well, do  _ you _ want to snog her?”

 

“Duh. I mean I have to start  _ somewhere _ , don’t I?”

 

“Not if you don’t feel like it, no.”

 

Mike looked at him, curiosity in his eyes. “What about you, Levi?”

 

“Me? I’m not cut out for that sappy and unhygienic shit. And besides, we were talking about you.”

 

“I’ll give it a try. I mean I  _ do _ like girls, a little. Maybe if I date a girl…”

 

Levi dragged a palm down his face. “It doesn’t work like that, you daft shit. If you’re gay, you’re gay. And snogging a million girls won’t turn the gay away.”

 

“I’m not totally gay. And maybe… maybe it’s just a phase or something…”

 

Levi abruptly got up. “If you want to keep lying to yourself, fine. Tell me when you’re finished. I’m going home for dinner.”

 

Sandra was Mike’s first girlfriend, but she wasn’t the last. He had a series of remarkably short and more or less innocent flings, and Levi gave him a wide berth during this time. He might tell himself that seeing his level-headed albeit dorky friend go all lovey-dovey with some chick was giving him second-hand embarrassment. He might argue that he was angry at Mike denying his sexual orientation. But deep down, in some tightly shut, shame-tinged dungeon of his mind he knew he was just jealous.

 

One evening a couple of weeks later, when Levi returned from a bike tour with his uncle Kenny, Mike was waiting on the front steps in a Wendy´s t-shirt.

 

Kenny frowned. “Haven’t seen you in a while, Mike. Didn’t Kuchel ask you inside?”

 

“Good evening, Mr Ackerman. Yes she did, but I wanted to wait outside. It’s such a nice evening.”

 

“Alright then. Levi, I’ll put the bikes into the garage. You go sit with your friend.”

 

“Thanks, uncle Kenny.”

 

They waited for Kenny to disappear around the corner with the bicycles. Levi stood with his hands in his pants pockets, eyeing the ground. After some minutes of nerve-wrecking silence, he prompted: “So?”

 

“You were right, you know.”

 

Levi leaned against the railing. “I am right about a lot of things. Anything in particular?”

 

“Yeah, that dating girls wouldn’t change anything.”

 

“No shit, Sherlock.”

 

“Well, how was I supposed to know?” Mike bristled. “And besides, what experience do you base your judgement on?”

 

“Common sense, Zacharias. Something you obviously lack.”

 

Mike crossed his arms and glared, a rare gesture. “Okay. So. You were right and I wanted to tell you that. And I wanted to ask you if you plan on dumping me every time I’m with someone, because, frankly, I expect a little more from a friend.”

 

“I don't plan on dumping you as long as you don’t make an ass out of yourself.”

 

Mike still glared, so Levi added quietly: “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t stand watching you deceive yourself.”

 

“About that.”  Mike coughed. “I told my parents.”

 

Levi’s eyes searched his face, trying to gauge if it had been a good or a bad talk, and he was relieved to see a smile.

 

“I told them I’m not 100% sure if I’m gay or bisexual…. And they were… wow. They were terrific. They said they want me to be happy, and that they want me to feel like I can be myself around them. And they thanked me for telling them, and then mom got a little teary, and then dad and me cracked up too and it got a little cheesy. But yeah, it’s all good. I’m happy now.”

 

Levi nodded. “I knew your parents would be cool.”

 

He sat down on the front step next to Mike, and the silence they shared wasn’t uncomfortable at all. A moment later, Kenny called for them from the open dining room window.

 

“Mike, I sure as hell hope you’re eating with us, because as soon as she saw you Kuchel started cooking like mad and now there’s enough meatloaf and mashed potato to feed a small army. Not to forget peas, beans and a cherry cobbler.”

 

“Jeez, she only cooks like that when you’re here.” A hint of jealousy tinged Levi’s voice.

 

“That’s because she loves me better than you, shitstain”, Mike replied with a smug grin.

 

“Get going before I make you, asshole.”

 

**********

Levi scurried through dirty, dark alleys and pathways, vaulted over crumbled walls and slipped through yawning window holes of derelict buildings. He didn't have to worry about being attacked by other thugs - after all he had earned the respect of most of them, and anyone stupid enough to start trouble would very soon learn to give him and his knife a wide berth.

 

He simply preferred his endeavors undetected by prying eyes. His uncle had taught him well that the secret of being two steps ahead of your enemies was stealth and secrecy. 

 

Not that being stealthy with Isabel in tow was an easy task. The redhead just would not shut up, acting as if they were on a casual stroll to the market. Farlan was okay - the blond boy knew how to move quietly and make himself invisible if needed. But Isabel could be such a pain in the arse that Levi kept asking himself why they still put up with her.

 

Then he took a look at her bright, cheery, elfish face, and he knew it was no use. Isabel might be noisy and annoying, eternally hungry and unable to add two and two together, but she was streetwise in her own way, determined and loyal… and she clung to Levi and Farlan with such a fierce affection that he would feel like kicking an overeager puppy. 

 

Farlan was able to piss him off enormously too - he never questioned Levi´s orders when they were on their way, but at home every plan of Levi would be dissected, criticized and argued about with no end. Those arguments Isabel mostly kept out of - she was well aware of having the strategic mind of a pigeon, and just waited for the boys to stop bashing their heads in and agree on whatever would earn them their next meal.

 

Unlike Levi, who at this early age was already numbed and jaded, she had retained a childlike innocence and enthusiasm, something which much later he would realize kept him grounded.  It allowed him to hold onto some shred of hope, of his dreams, that would otherwise have slipped through his fingers long ago.

 

Had it been only Farlan and himself, they would probably have resigned to live and die in the underground city. But something about Isabel was brighter, more colorful, more contrasted than the grey on grey of the caverns. She didn't belong here, Isabel deserved a chance to walk on green grass.

 

He wondered what it would look like when the sun kissed her ginger pigtails, bringing out the full extent of her beauty.

 

Levi´s focus shifted, and they weren't in the caverns anymore, but outside, squinting in the bright light, and that was when he realized this was a dream. They were issued brand new uniforms, stiff and starched and itching in a thousand places, and the shirt Levi was handed threatened to rub off every inch of skin on his neck, so he hunted down a piece of soft white cloth and made a cravat of it. The weight and tightness of the leather harness and vertical maneuvering gear, though, was familiar, and he took more than a little pride in impressing his new comrades with his skills. 

 

They had a mission - it was a very important mission, and they had been offered a lot of money for it, but it was hard to remember it when it was so exhilarating to fly through trees and ride on horseback for the first time in their lives. It had something to do with Commander Smith and some documents, and he vaguely recalled having sworn to kill the man, not necessarily as part of the job but simply for his own satisfaction, yet every thought of it flew right out the window as Isabel charged past him on her horse, face glowing with mirth. Levi´s heart clenched with a fierce feeling of pride and fondness. Even though they were not connected by blood, Isabel was as dear to him as any sibling could ever be. He would protect her, keep her safe, always.

 

In his sleep, Levi twitched and moved, because he already knew where this dream was heading, and he fought to change it, alter the past that he knew existed, or at least wake up and not have to face the rest again. But it was in vain, it always was.

 

He tried to tell them they were not going on the mission, tried to tell them to run and hide, but he was struck mute, helplessly watching from within as his body mounted his horse and rode through the gate, felt the cold air in the shadow of the wall, and then they burst out into the open, a limitless sky above them and endless fields in front, and he tried to scream, to rein in his horse, anything, please, let me stop this.

 

Rain poured down on them.  It was the next day, and he was leaving them, for some godforsaken purpose that he didn't give a fuck about.  The important thing was he left them and he knew they were going to die, that no matter what he did he would only return in time to watch them die, and his body didn't obey him and he was carried away.

 

No no no NO. He struggled with his sheets, sobs shaking his body as he fought desperately to wake up, please don't let me see this, don't, I'm only fourteen fucking years old, no one deserves this, please.

 

And as always, blurry as the rest of the dream might be in places, it was now back to vivid detail.  He could hear every raindrop hitting his cape, the labored breathing of his horse, could smell the animal´s sweat and his own.  Levi felt the wetness of the sodden clothes clinging to his body, the reins cutting into his hands.  Farlan´s blood gushing from the titan's mouth was incredibly bright and red.  It split into rivulets which turned paler and paler as it mixed with the rainwater, and Farlan was still struggling to get out and break free, but suddenly he gave up and looked down at Levi. His shock-widened eyes and deathly pale face changed expressions, twisted into a smile, goddammit, how could he just fucking smile that lopsided smile that Levi knew so well.  Then he lifted his arm in one last salute that would haunt Levi forever.

 

After that Levi was kneeling in the mud, and something lay before him, something small and round, white and ginger, and he didn't want to turn it over, but he had to. Isabel´s beautiful hair was streaked with blood and mud, and her face was very white underneath the dirt that soiled the delicate features, eyes staring up sightlessly into the cloudy sky in an expression that was more astonishment and wonder than pain. And that was when Levi was finally yanked back from her, falling, tumbling backwards through rain and mist and into sweaty, suffocating darkness.

 

“... only a dream, Baby, it's all good. Shh Levi, it's all good, you're safe.” Kuchel´s voice was soft and calming, her hands felt cool on his sweaty face. She studied him with concern in her dark eyes. “Are you with me now, Baby?”

 

“Mom!” Levi sat up and clung to her, crying helplessly into her nightgown. She held him, smoothed his hair and let him cry until he ran out of tears. It should be shameful, being fourteen years old and having to be comforted by his mother from a nightmare like a little child, but Levi couldn't find any shame in himself. Not after he had witnessed his only friends dying again.

 

When Levi had shrugged off the sweat-soaked pyjamas and put on a fresh pair, Kuchel smoothed his sheets and tucked him in with a last kiss to his forehead. Already half-asleep, a brief image of Mike´s t-shirt flashed before his eyes. A girl with pigtails, red on white ground. I'll ask him not to wear it anymore, he thought drowsily and nodded off.

 

**********

His peers might have scoffed if they had witnessed the tender affection and respect with which Levi treated his mother, and his uncle who was such a good, kind man in this life, but they didn´t know what it was like to have lost a parent and get a second chance. Every morning he was greeted by her warm eyes and smiling mouth was a miracle, and he never missed a chance to make her laugh, make her happy. One of his earliest memories was himself standing on a little stool and brushing her beautiful black hair with concentration, and later on he loved braiding it in all kinds of complicated patterns. She was always proud that Levi´s braids would last an entire long day at work and earn her a lot of compliments.

 

Levi had offered to braid Kenny´s ponytail once and received a kick in the shin. Then, when Kenny had taken a nap on the couch, Levi had done it anyway, and his uncle hadn't noticed until the evening - by which time he had done the groceries and been at a car workshop and grown increasingly irritated by the strange looks he´d gotten. Then he'd chased Levi through the house and tickled him until the boy was breathlessly begging for mercy.

 

Kenny acted gruff sometimes, as if Levi was an insufferable menace, and Levi often poked fun at him, but they were fond of each other in their own way. They wouldn't hug or say sappy things, but showed affection in the backslapping and headbutting way. Kenny taught him to ride a bicycle and refused to coddle him when he fell and scraped his knees, but told him to get up and try again. He showed him how to carve wood with a knife and how to kindle a campfire, all things that Kuchel feared were too dangerous, but Kenny insisted that it was best to learn how to respect potentially dangerous things early. Levi could rely on his uncle always telling him the truth about whatever he wanted to know, even if it was cruel and Kuchel would have thought it inappropriate for his age. Kenny didn't believe in pampering children or sugarcoating the world for them, and since Levi was way ahead of his physical age anyway, it worked fine for them.

 

At the end of their talks, Kenny would usually get up, ruffle Levi´s hair and light a cigarette. Then he'd squint at the boy. “Don't rat me out to your mother, or she´ll skin me alive. And in this case, buddy, I will make you regret the day you were born.”

 

“Yes, sir,” Levi replied with a mock salute.

 

**********

Mike only came out to Levi and his parents as gay. He stopped dating girls, much to Levi´s relief, but he made no advances at any boys either, and the rest of junior high passed in blissful peace.

 

The first day of senior high school saw Mike and Levi with brand new school bags, new books and  - in Levi´s case - a fresh haircut and a crisp white shirt. Mike had chosen to push the bangs out of his eyes and wear a ‘Levi´s’ t-shirt. Levi frowned but said nothing, since he had long ceased to argue. The only thing he had successfully asked Mike not to wear was the ‘Wendy´s’ shirt, and as a thank-you Levi had purchased a ‘Virgin’ shirt with Kenny´s help (who thought it a hilarious joke) and given it to him.

 

After the teacher had introduced himself and given an outline of the first days, the students were asked to make introductions as well, and Levi zoned out. They didn't interest him much anyway, and his only slight concern was identifying the ones who would likely start trouble. But he would rely on his gut feeling and Mike's amazing instinct to avoid pusbags.

 

Meaningless voices droned past him, and then it was Mike's turn. Levi pulled himself out of his daydreams so he could listen and then give his own sermon.

 

“My name is Mike Zacharias, I'm sixteen years old, and I live in Stohess. Erm… my hobbies are basketball, parkour and PS2 games. And I'm gay.” He beamed around, obviously very pleased with himself.

 

Levi wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Or maybe he wanted Mike to crawl into a hole and die, or maybe he wanted to bludgeon this idiot behemoth with his own fucking Gameboy, Levi wasn't sure. First day of high school, and this fool just told everybody he was gay, effectively sentencing himself to three years of cruel jokes and discrimination.

 

There were indeed a few murmurs in the class, but Mike only smiled brighter, radiating a friendliness that nearly required sunglasses. Then looks wandered to Levi, and he shifted.

 

“Levi,” he grudged out.

 

Silence. Gazes flicked between himself and Mike´s t-shirt, and a few chuckles could be heard. Levi sighed exasperatedly.

 

“Levi Ackerman, I´m this muppet´s best friend, and if anyone tries to mess with him they'll need to walk over my dead body first.”

 

**********

“That was as good as first days go, eh?”

 

“What, you call slapping your sexuality into everybody's faces so they can sharpen their homophobic knives a good day?”

 

Mike shrugged. “Levi… I don't want to sneak around and pretend I'm straight and then be found out anyway. Now they know, and they can either deal with it or avoid me.”

 

“Oh, they'll deal with it all right. Cut up your bike's tires and shove you around in the locker room and call you a faggott and…”

 

“It is my decision”, Mike said quietly but firmly. “I don't want to believe people are as bad as you think. But thank you for sticking by me.”

 

Levi laughed bitterly. “What choice did I have? Pretend I don't know you and feed you to the wolves?”

 

“You make it sound like I´m a helpless little fawn.”

 

“But you are, you doofus!” Levi gestured wildly in frustration. “You walk around and think everything is like a fucking Disney movie!”

 

“It has served me pretty well so far,” Mike remarked. “I know there are evil people, but I think treating everybody as a possible friend rather than a possible enemy until you find out works better. And besides,” he tapped his nose, “don't forget I can smell trouble.”

 

Levi rolled his eyes so hard he feared they'd pop from their sockets. Then he turned around and trudged on. “Believe in whatever, Disney princess. See if I care.”

 

“You know the fawn turned out to be the majestic king of the forest.”

 

“Shut the fuck up.”

 

**********

“Erm, so… Mike and you… are you… boyfriends or something?”

 

Levi was concentrating on taping his hands for the high bar and not too happy about the interruption. He looked up, brow furrowed in irritation. The boy in front of him was not in his own class; Levi assumed he was in a parallel course.

 

“And why would you need to know that?” Levi spat.

 

The boy shrank back. “Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude.. But he… Mike, I mean… I think he´s rather.. nice, and…”

 

Levi simply stared at him with an impassive face until the boy stopped babbling. He was actually not bad looking, with brown hair and eyes. Tall and just a hint too soft to make an excelling gymnast, but in a cute way. Levi sighed.

 

“Listen…”

 

“Derek.”

 

“Listen, Derek, we are not boyfriends, we are just friends…” Derek lit up like a Christmas tree, but a cruel, vindictive something in Levi prompted him to resume: “... but I'm afraid his pattern is short, dark and cute.”

 

Derek´s face drooped almost comically. Then he took a moment to size up Levi, his frame, his hair. “Short, dark…”

 

“Don't forget cute.” Levi didn't bat an eyelid.

 

“Yeah. Cute.” Without another word, Derek lurched off, and Levi wondered what the hell had gotten into him. Sure, he had been mad at Mike´s girl escapades, but that was for entirely righteous reasons, wasn´t it? And concerning guys, Mike hadn't gotten around to that yet, but of course Levi would cheer him on and not be a cockblock unless for entirely good reasons, like this Derek, who looked like an A+ douchebag. It wasn't like Levi was jealous. He couldn´t be jealous, because that would mean… would mean…

 

“Lord, I'm so fucked,” he muttered. He better push that right out of his mind. Because Mike had come out to him as gay years ago, and if he had any interest in Levi, he would have made a move on him long ago, wouldn't he? But he hadn't, and he had always emphasized how important Levi was to him as a friend. On the other hand… Levi had never said what kind of romantic or sexual interest he had, because, to be frank, he had no fucking clue himself.

 

Levi didn't want to fuck their friendship up. He would be crushing and pining for a little while, and if he didn't listen to it, it would eventually die down. Mike had managed, despite his coming out with a bang, to get to be generally well liked, had miraculously not received harassment or bullying. Levi figured that, if Mike had an eternally bitch-faced boyfriend in tow… he would be less warmly received.

 

**********

Over the months, Levi noticed several guys trying to hit on Mike. Sometimes it was the “stand too close and laugh too loud” method, sometimes little notes with phone numbers bashfully slipped into his hand or locker, sometimes a more bold approach. And Mike… turned them all down. Always polite, always friendly, always firm.

 

“Any particular reason you shoot them all down?” Levi asked one day after witnessing Mike declining yet another proposal. He was sitting on the lawn in front of school with his lunch, and after dealing with the boy Mike came over and flopped down next to him.

 

“What, worrying about my love life all of a sudden?”

 

“I'm just curious. You have all these opportunities thrown at you, and some of them even look not too nausea-inducing, and yet you never bite. Your standards that high? You were never this picky with your girlfriends.”

 

“And you harped endlessly on that. Maybe I'm just waiting for the right one?”

 

“What, a big hunk like you, waiting to be swept away by prince charming on a white charger?”

 

“Just because I'm tall doesn't mean I can´t be a princess.” Mike sniffed. “Did you bring cookies? I smell Ackerman cookies.”

 

Levi pulled his bag closer.

 

“I bet your mom told you to share.” Mike punched Levi´s thigh. “Give me cookies or I´ll tell on you.”

 

Levi reached into his bag and tossed the small cookie tin to Mike. “Fuck you. Why do you always threaten to rat me out to my mother?”

 

“Because she's the only person you're scared of.” Mike munched happily on a pecan cookie. “So, what's your dream date like, Levi? You keep badgering me but you never tell me what's going on in the black shrivelled lump that passes for your heart.”

 

Levi paused mid-way in trying to snitch one of his own damn cookies. “Do I strike you as the romantic type, Mike? I don't have a love interest.”

 

“Hmm.” Mike gave him a cryptical look.

 

Levi looked down on his hands. “All I learned from my past life is that committing yourself to someone is the best way to get your heart ripped out.”

 

“Your past life doesn't rule your present life,” Mike gently reminded him. “Nor your future. Or do you think we would have wound up as best friends back then?”

 

“No.”

 

“See? You have all the possibilities laid out for you. You just have to reach out for them.” Mike looked as if he was about to say something more, but he closed his mouth again.

 

“Come on,” Levi said stiffly. “Lunch break is almost over.”

 

**********

Committing yourself to someone is the best way to get your heart ripped out, Levi had said to Mike. His crush on his friend hadn’t lessened like he had hoped. Instead, his flashbacks had revealed a lot more about their past relationship. Levi had assumed that they had been comrades and maybe friends… but indeed they had become lovers.

 

There hadn’t been time for romance. They were at war, and a soldier’s life was hard and spartan and devoid of any kind of privacy. No space for fleeting touches and lingering gazes, tender words or soft whispers. The few minutes they could steal every now and again were devoted to efficient blowjobs or handjobs, and a quick fuck against the back wall of a shed was already an indulgence. And yet, matter-of-fact and unemotional as it seemed, their relationship was built on trust and respect and held a deep bond that needed no words or affirmation.

 

And then Mike had died.

 

Levi had carried on after Mike’s death, as he had always done. Like he had carried on after Isabel’s and Farlan’s deaths. Like he had carried on after the cruel annihilation of his whole squad. Erwin might have sensed something - the bastard had known Levi better than he’d known himself. But he had been kind enough not to say anything.

 

Sometimes Levi was weary of being burdened with a past life. The memories he had were way beyond his physical and emotional age. During his flashbacks, he was right there, right then, but when he came back he sensed a growing distance to the man he had been. Maybe he had been born with this man’s life wedged somewhere in the convolutions of his brain, but he wasn’t the same person anymore. He was shaped by different circumstances, different experiences, and he thanked his lucky star that he had been given the chance to become something other than this bitter, tired creature.

 

Mike and Levi still spoke regularly of their former incarnations, although Mike’s flashbacks were fragmentary. There would be a face, landmarks, a nursery rhyme. The pull and shift of the vertical maneuvering gear. Fleeting glimpses of the titans and the wall that surrounded their world. Smells and emotions and coppery blood. To Levi’s relief, nothing about their intimacies. Mike only remarked that the former Levi had been a lot shorter.

 

**********

Mike seemed to brood over their awkward conversation about dates and princesses, and sometimes at school his gaze would sweep over the assembled youths and then search Levi’s as if looking for an answer.

 

Then, he started dating some guy called Bradley, or maybe it was Brett or Brandon. Levi didn’t want to know, yet he couldn’t help but watch Mike closely for any signs of a deeper infatuation. He was indeed a little giddy and had less free time to spend with Levi, but he didn’t act like he was completely lovestruck.

 

After Brian - or was it Bruce? - it was Greg / Grover / Graham, then some Jason / Jame / Jasper. Levi had no inclination to interact with any of them, and Mike made no efforts to pull him into any of his flings. He told himself he was glad to waste less time on ass old PS2 games (which Mike still insisted on playing) and to concentrate more on his high school workload. Much to his chagrin, he often found his notes surrounded by doodles he didn’t remember drawing. Sassy Meg or Lotte and her cat from  _ Suikoden _ , or Bo the hunter from  _ Breath of Fire _ . Worse still, sketches of Mike, as a child, a teen, an adult. He ended up making a lot of transcriptions.

 

Some time between a Jamal and a Warren, about the time Levi started wondering if they would finish high school before Mike ran out of possible dates, Mike asked him what made a boy a virgin.

 

Levi nearly choked on his orange juice. “What the fuck, Zacharias? You worried the prince’s parents gonna check your virginity or what?”

 

They were sitting in the shade of a quiet back yard and taking a short rest from parkour practice. The yard was ideal - full of fire ladders, bannisters, low walls and spurs, and the neighbors didn’t mind the kids as long as they didn’t trash the place. Actually, they helped keep it clean - it was no fun doing a flic-flac and placing your hands in glass shards, or landing on your face when you backflipped over a wall just to hit your foot on an empty tin can. They had a nicely equipped court at school, but after a while it got boring there.

 

“I was just wondering”, Mike shrugged. “Are you still a virgin when someone, let’s say, has given head to you? Or is it just about penetration?”

 

“How should I know? I’d say it depends on what you consider as sex. There’s lots of stuff that doesn’t involve putting your dick in someone. Or having someone’s dick in you.”

 

“So you’d say a blowjob is sex?”

 

“Probably.”

 

“Handjobs?”

 

“Jesus, Mike, are you backhand trying to brag how far you went? Honestly I don’t want to hear whose dick you’ve had in your mouth. Or anywhere else.”

 

Mike looked hurt. “I thought you were okay with me being gay?”

 

“I am! I am totally, completely, a-okay with it! I just don’t want to hear any of it, and I wouldn’t want to hear it either if it was vaginas instead of dicks! Not from you!”

 

“... not from me?”

 

Levi chewed on his straw sullenly. “Yeah. You’re my best friend, and sorry but it creeps me out somehow. I wouldn’t mind sex talk with any random guy, but when you talk about… doing stuff, it’s just weird.”

 

Not to mention the filthy images his mind would happily supply. 

 

“Oh? I wouldn’t mind hearing from you.” Mike grinned. “Not that you’d ever share.”

 

**********

“And you’re sure you’re going to be okay?” Kuchel asked for the 50th time. Levi closed the lid of the box he had finished packing and sighed.

 

“Look, mom, wouldn’t it a bit too late now? I enrolled for college, I have all my courses, and the apartment is rented as of today.”

 

“Sorry, Levi. I’m just being a fussbucket over my only child moving out.”

 

“I can clean, I can cook, you taught me how to manage a budget, and I will have Mike to share expenses with. We’ll be fine, mom.”

 

“I know, I know, but… you seemed to be in such low spirits lately.” Kuchel picked at the collar of his black shirt. All his clothes, so it seemed, were black nowadays. It made picking what to wear easier, he argued. Kuchel doubted that skin-tight pants, oversized sweaters and biker boots were a suitable wardrobe pick for a would-be child psychologist, but she didn’t want to badger him. 

 

Kenny assured her Levi would be fine. “Ever since he was little he’s worn nothing but ironed white shirts. Let him try something new. He’s gonna find out soon enough if he freaks the kids out or not. Besides, this is only college. It’ll be a while until they actually set him loose on clients.”

 

By the time Mr Zacharias pulled up with his station wagon, Levi had long finished lining up all his belongings in the hallway. They wouldn’t really need much other than their clothes and personal things, since the apartment was furnished. Yet the car was already remarkably stuffed.

 

“Did you pack all your 5,000 nerd shirts?” Levi asked Mike, who just smiled smugly and smoothed down his  _ Purple Hornies _ t-shirt. 

 

“No, I didn’t. My mom insisted on packing a ton of dishcloths and towels and cleaning rags and bed sheets. Plus a year’s supply of every cleaning agent you might dream of. You know, sometimes I think she likes you better than me.”

 

Levi surveyed the boxes. “I love your mom, man.”

 

They were nearly done stuffing everything into the car when Kuchel appeared on the front steps with yet another box in her hands. “I thought you might need some things to get cooking started properly.” She handed the box to Mike, and he peered inside.

 

“Woah, spices, herbs, kitchen knifes, tools, and what is this?” He fished out a notebook. In neat handwriting, it was filled with recipes. Mike’s eyes grew wide. “Wait, these… these are your recipes?”

 

Kuchel smiled. “Levi knows how to cook most, but I thought it would be nice if you could look everything up. The pot roast that you like so much is in there, and the chicken soup, and…”

 

“Ackerman cookies?” Mike asked with hopeful puppy eyes.

 

“Yes, and Ackerman cookies.”

 

Mike took Kuchel’s slender hand in his and kissed it reverently. “Mrs. Ackerman, you are truly an angel.”

 

Behind him, Levi made a retching noise. “When you’re done wooing my mother, you sick weirdo, can we finally leave?”

 

He nudged Mike out of the way so he could hug his mother. “Don’t worry about me, mom. I’ll be fine. And I’ll call you every week, okay?”

 

“Pff, I’ll be so busy trashing out your room, I don’t know if I have the time to pick up the phone. “

 

“What, trashing out my room?” Levi looked alarmed.

 

Kuchel patted his cheek. “Only kidding, Baby. This will be your home as long as you want to call it yours.”

 

Levi gave his uncle a more awkward but heartfelt hug, and they were off.

 

With their apartment, they seemed to have scored lucky. It was tiny, and the furniture had certainly seen better days, but it was reasonably clean and quiet. The landlady,  an elderly woman who lived on the ground floor, initially hadn’t been too keen on renting out to two male college students, but they must have left a good impression. 

 

Lugging everything up three floors was no easy task, but soon the small lounge area was filled with boxes and duffel bags. Mr. Zacharias hunted down some meatball sandwiches for lunch - just like his son, he seemed to have a sixth sense, his being a built-in food radar. 

 

After he had bid the boys farewell, they looked at their boxes and the two bedroom doors. The rooms were equal in size, but one faced a narrow side alley with another window in the wall opposite, and the second faced the backyard and had morning sun.

 

“Rock, paper, scissors?” Mike asked, and Levi nodded.

 

Grinning, Levi dragged his suitcase into his room. Morning sun, Here I come.

 

And on this deceptive note, Levi’s ordeal begun.

 

**********

Morning sun is a nice thing. But Levi soon discovered that it was not so terribly, wonderfully nice during an August heatwave, under a flat roof, and with no air conditioning.

 

He awoke in the mornings, sweaty sheets tangled around him, with the sun glaring in and heating the room up to a felt temperature of roughly 140°F. Only in the afternoon his room would be in the shade, but by now the outside world was scorching as well, so keeping the windows open was pointless. Going to sleep at night felt like lying down in Satan’s armpit. Only during the small hours would a cooler breeze reluctantly creep in and help him fall into uneasy sleep.

 

Since all of the rooms excluding Mike’s faced the same direction, the whole apartment was basically a melting furnace. Mike kept his door shut and his face smug until Levi felt ready to lunge at him. The side alley that Mike’s windows faced was in the shade all day long and stayed reasonably cool. Sure, his view consisted of  the fire escape and old Mr Hopkins on the other side with his eternally open bathrobe and nothing underneath, but Levi would gladly become acquainted with Mr. Hopkins’s white belly if it meant not waking up with sweat sticking his hair to his scalp every single morning.

 

Even showering didn’t cool him down - by the time he was finished toweling off and drying his hair he was breaking into a sweat again.

 

Another thing that was entirely not helping him keep his cool was Mike parading around in his boxers and nothing else. Or shorts and nothing else, shorts that were worn, old and paper thin, and hang so low on his hips that the twin dimples on his lower back just above the curve of his ass were in clear sight. They hang so low, indeed, that Levi couldn’t help but picturing them sliding down at the slightest tug of a finger.

 

He scolded himself over and over. They had gone swimming and done sports together, used the locker rooms and showers at school. He had seen Mike in every stage of dressed and undressed. But, he noticed now, it made a difference if nakedness or near-nakedness was a thing of necessity, or one of casually lounging in the privacy of their own place.

 

Try as he might, his eyes raked over endlessly long legs. Over strong shoulders, a flexible back and the most mouthwatering butt, crowned with said dimples. On the front side, pecs and abs and a strip of blond hair that Levi’s gaze followed from the start at the navel to the point where it suggestively disappeared into Mike’s boxers.

 

His predecessor had never gotten to see much of Mike’s skin, but the bits and pieces he’d caught sight of were pale because they were never exposed to the sun. But now, his skin was golden honey, with the slightest hint of freckles on his cheekbones and shoulders. Soft blond hair stretched over his chest, his arms and legs.

 

To make it short, seeing this form draped over the sofa, leaning against the kitchen counter with one hip jutting out or sprawled out on the floor in front of the tv set was an extremely distracting sight.

 

A week later courses started, and thankfully Levi got other things to worry about. Although, to be frank, his first semester in psychology was a joke. English composition? Algebra? They had to be fucking kidding him. But if it was among the required courses, he’d fucking get through with it. Mike, who headed for game development, was exposed to the same bullshit, along with beauties like speech communication and ethics.

 

The more they settled into the academic routine, the more thankful Levi was he didn’t have to live in one of the college dorms. The first tour of the campus had given him sleepless nights, because there was no way, no fucking way in hell he could do this. Putting up with the other students during courses was one thing, but being surrounded by people he wasn’t comfortable with for the whole day, every day… no. Eventually he had caved in and shared his concerns with Mike, and his friend, his wonderful friend, had lightly suggested they share an apartment as if it was nothing. As if it wasn’t going to raise his own expenses, burden his own future even more than a college education already did.

 

In the end, it wasn’t as bad as he had feared, because his secretly softhearted uncle - yes, the one who had always insisted Levi make his own experiences and bear the consequences of his actions - had collaborated with Mike’s parents to cover the rent, if nothing else.

 

They took on the usual jobs to cover the rest - Mike at a computer store, and Levi at a sporting goods shop. It also turned out that Mrs. Svoboda, their landlady, was rather taken by their cleanliness and good manners and paid them for all kinds of odd jobs, like small repairs and paint jobs around the house. Plus she had a mysteriously bad hand at judging portions of food and regularly treated them to all kinds of Bohemian delicacies, acting as if they were doing her a favor by eating all those leftovers.

 

**********

Living with Mike was unsettlingly domestic. Well, you wouldn’t really do the non-binding roommate thing with your best friend, but still… they made breakfast together. Spent most of their free time together. Waited for each other with dinner. And Mike really made an effort. He had been a spoiled kid, hardly ever obligated to lift a finger at home. Yet now he cooked, kept his room tidy, cleaned the bath after himself, took the laundry to the laundromat. Sent Levi a text when he was coming home late. 

 

It was almost like being married. Well, the sex was lacking, obviously, and Levi also had the feeling that too many things hung between them, unsaid. He wasn’t altogether sure why he didn’t say anything. Didn’t do anything. If it was still his fear of getting his heart broken, the fear of getting rejected, the fear of fucking up and losing the one and only real friend he had.  He had been brave once, fearless, bulletproof, and he hated his current cowardice. 

 

It was a Friday when the tension finally snapped.

 

On their free days and evenings they normally did stuff that didn’t cost much. Binge watching Game Of Thrones, inline skating in the park, cooking with friends. Occasionally, Mike could coax Levi to go out for a few drinks, but more often than not Levi sent him off alone. He didn’t like getting drunk, because having Mike around him sober was testing already. But this Friday, he had had a shitty week and felt like he deserved a reward. 

 

Plus, he wasn’t entirely sure he could stand Mike stumbling home in the middle of the night with some stranger and then listening to them humping away one more time. Levi showered, put on some fresh (black) jeans and a (black) shirt and emerged the bathroom only to find Mike in his favorite  _ Final Fantasy _ t-shirt. Well. Maybe cockblocking wasn’t even necessary tonight.

 

No, Levi corrected himself as he watched Mike trying to get their drinks at the bar, it was necessary. Mike couldn’t even order one fucking drink without someone sliding up to him. Yet he ignored the guy, got their drinks and returned to their table. Instead of sitting on the opposite side, he plopped onto the bench next to Levi and handed him his gin and tonic. In Mike’s own glass something obscurely purple sloshed around, and Levi guessed - rightly - that it was this obnoxious vodka and blackcurrant thing that Mike loved so much. It tasted like chewing gum doused in alcohol doused in liquid soap. Yikes.

 

A couple of rounds later Levi was somewhere between pleasantly buzzed and completely smashed. It was Mike’s turn to get drinks again, and this time, some bloke actually tried to hit on Levi. He just inched into the booth, bold as brass, and Levi was just considering whether or not he should sock him in the jaw when Mike appeared with a creased brow, and the guy decided to made a run for it. Mike looked puzzled as Levi howled with laughter. 

 

“Once in a lifetime someone tries to hook up with me and you scare him away. You absolutely priceless dork,” Levi had explained to him.

 

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, shall I go and find him and explain to him?” Mike asked with concern. “I mean I had no idea you wanted to take someone home.”

 

Levi chuckled and took a large sip of his drink, and he started rambling something lengthy about how it was his very last concern to take some stranger home, or get taken home, and then he might or might not have muttered that on the other side he wouldn’t mind being taken home by Mike. 

 

Mike flinched as if he’d just been punched in the gut, and he grabbed Levi’s face and forced him to look at him. “Levi. What… what did you just say?”

 

Levi grinned at him drunkenly. “Oh, just that you could take me home. Uh, would it be taking me home because it’s also my home as well?” He frowned. This was too complicated for his gin addled brain. “You know what, how about you just kiss me.”

 

And Mike did, slotted his lips with Levi’s like he was just dying for it, coaxed them open and slid his tongue into Levi’s mouth. It tasted sweet and slightly artificial from that horrible blackcurrant juice with a hint of alcohol, but Levi couldn’t care less because Mike’s mouth was finally on his, and wasn’t that just unbelievable.

 

Before he knew it, Levi straddled Mike’s hips, pressing closer, needing more, more of Mike sucking on his tongue and nipping at his lips, more of the smell of booze and shaving cream and heated skin, more of the feeling of every shift and breath and heartbeat. One of Mike’s hands was buried in the hair at the back of his head, the other lay in the small of his back, holding him close.

 

This felt both so old and so new, so familiar yet so strange that Levi felt tears prickle the corners of his eyes. Did he kiss Mike for the first or the thousandth time, he couldn’t have said, and it was driving him nuts. He wanted those ghosts and phantoms out of his head once and for all, didn’t want to relive some ancient thing but wanted the here and now. 

 

He didn’t want the Mike who smelled of horses and curd soap and mourning, who was so restricted by his uniform that Levi hardly got to touch and feel him. He wanted the Mike who was here with him, now, alive and breathing, wanted the Mike who had endless stretches of honey skin and a weird sense of humor. Levi’s hands slid under Mike’s t-shirt, and Mike gave a surprised little huff but arched into the fingers mapping out every dip and curve of his abdomen, letting out a whispered stream of  _ god, Levi, fuck _ against Levi’s lips, breath hot on his skin. 

 

A hand sneaked behind the waistband of Levi’s jeans, rubbed his ass, and Levi started rolling his hips, grinding down into Mike, and  _ fuck,  _ was this  _ hot… _

 

They got kicked out of the bar.

 

On their way back home they backed each other up into walls, entrance ways, trees, cars. They kissed each other’s gasping mouths, licked throats, tugged at clothing, pressed knees between thighs. Levi’s head was spinning, and the queasy feeling in his gut made him wish he hadn’t drunk so much. Progress was hindered enough by their constant groping and pulling at each other and was only made worse by losing orientation and stumbling over their own feet. 

 

Finally they made it to their building, and finally, they made it up the stairs (after tumbling over at least twice, each time ending with Mike on top of him and kissing him breathless, and later his back would remind him of every single step that he had fallen on and been pressed down into, but later was a thing he couldn’t give a shit about).

 

Once they found themselves sprawled comfortably on the sofa, the frantic pawing and grinding slowed down. The mere knowledge of having any possibility at hand, with no one to disturb and literally nothing stopping them from clawing each other’s clothes off and fucking like rabbits had a reverse psychology. It was so much more luxurious to make out languidly that it made Levi’s scalp prickle like they were doing something deviant. Right now, he  _ could _ already be riding Mike’s dick and screaming his name, he  _ could _ have these kiss-swollen lips wrapped around his cock and sucking him dry, but here he was, lying on top of Mike between impossibly long legs, exchanging lazy, wet, open mouthed kisses, Mike’s hands alternating between pushing up his t-shirt and feeling him up and slowly massaging his ass. Amazing as it was, it seemed that his small, muscular butt had just the right size to fit exactly into those hands. Mike’s moustache tickled his skin when he mouthed up and down Levi’s neck and nipped at his collarbones, just as ridiculously soft as it looked.

 

The low simmer of their sluggish makeout session had their dicks only at half mast, which was probably for the better. Even if better nutrition had made Levi slightly taller, he was still considerably shorter than Mike. Which meant that his crotch was placed somewhere around Mike’s navel region, and any satisfying dick grinding would have required some serious repositioning. Levi suspected that with the amount of alcohol they’d had there wouldn’t be much point in it anyway. Instead, they leaned their foreheads together, gazed into each other's eyes, rubbed noses.

 

But it didn’t matter if it didn’t get any more explicit tonight - they shared a closeness which he had been craving for so long and denied himself, and that was more than enough. Deep kisses slowly ebbed away to little nips and pecks, Mike’s fingers carded through his hair, and Levi nodded off.

  
  


**********

Levi awoke from his own snoring and a thumping headache. He blinked in confusion and realized he was still on the sofa, with a blanket thrown over him. The sunlight glaring in was way too bright for his current taste. Some clattering noises announced that Mike was busying himself in the kitchenette. Levi could smell tea and coffee, crawled off the sofa and made his way to the breakfast counter. Mike turned around and greeted him with an absent half-smile.

 

“Morning, Levi. Tea will be ready in a minute.” He dug out some mugs from the cabinet, poured coffee for himself and tea for Levi, added milk and sugar and placed the mugs on the counter. “You want breakfast?” He laughed at Levi’s disgusted face. “Yeah, I thought so.” 

 

Levi might be tired and hungover, he might have a splitting headache, but he still noticed that something was off. He didn’t like the way Mike avoided his gaze and stared out of the window, worrying his bottom lip. Maybe he was waiting for something, Levi realized. Well, since they had been pretty much all over each other last night, a good morning kiss should be easy, right? Except, in the bright light of day, and with a mouth that he was all too aware of felt like something furry had crawled under his tongue and died there, Levi felt awfully self conscious. He rounded the counter tentatively and stood before Mike, unsure whether a chaste kiss or a full-on snog would be called for (dammit, why did he have to be so clueless about these things), when Mike gave him another half-smile and patted his arm and stood up from his stool in the same motion.

 

“It’s okay, Levi,” he said in a voice that held both something sad and final. “Would you mind if I grab a shower first?” Without waiting for an answer, he disappeared down the hallway. Levi was dumbfounded.

 

Oh.

 

_ Oh _ .

 

He had just been given a pass. Levi had thought it was… something, a start, a “finally”... and to Mike it had meant nothing more than one of his bar flings. He sank down on the stool Mike had just left, pain searing up in his chest. How could this happen, how could Mike do this to him? How could he mess around like this with his oldest friend?

 

It hurt, it fucking  _ hurt,  _ and Levi curled in on himself, fingers hooked into his t-shirt. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t, and his whole chest was filled with glass shards and rusty nails and barbed wire, slicing him up from the inside, but when they were finished there would be no blood - never again would there be blood because he was barren and black and dead. Once again he would spend a lifetime bitter and jaded and empty, and it would be a relief because this way it wouldn’t hurt anymore.

 

Levi stumbled to his room, slammed the door shut and waited for his heart to get the dying over with.

 

**********

Evening came, and he still hadn’t finished dying. He had watched the sun crawl across the wall over his bed until the shade came, then he had watched nothing in particular until the hues had changed to gray.

 

There was a quiet knock on the door. “Levi? Are you okay? You need something to drink, or some medicine?”

 

Levi didn’t answer.

 

“I thought I’d let you sleep your hangover away, but you’ve been in there all day now, I’m worried, Levi.”

 

Silence, and he could hear feet shuffling in front of his door. Then the sound of someone sliding down the door. He wished Mike would just go away and leave him alone. First thing Monday morning, he would go and find out if there was still a room in the dorms available, or maybe an apartment share somewhere. He couldn’t continue living here with Mike.

 

Mike’s voice floated through the door again. “Okay, so this is… this is really awkward, but… I mean, I know you don’t want a relationship, so, um, well it does hurt, but that was my own mistake, I shouldn’t have gotten up my hopes too high after all, and I won’t press you into something you don’t want, and…”

 

Levi ripped the door open so suddenly that Mike, who was leaning against it, fell backwards on the floor. He blinked up at Levi in confusion.

 

“What the fuck,” Levi seethed, “are you talking about?”

 

“Uhm. I sort of wanted to assure you that, since you don’t want a relationship, I won’t bother you about it?”

 

“Who said I don’t want a relationship? Don’t make things up and just go ahead and admit that it was a one-time thing, just like the guys you pick up all the time, and then I can punch you for being so shitty and just playing me!”

 

“Whoa, what?” Mike rolled over and got up. “Hold on. Just one fucking minute. You think that I was just playing you?”

 

“Don’t act like I’m stupid. All this avoiding me and not looking me in the eye and shit, it’s clear as day you regret what happened.”

 

Mike groaned and ran a hand over his face. “Oh my god, this is so fucked up. Levi, it was you who always said you don’t want romance, you don’t want commitment, all I did was offering you a way out of it. This morning, you wouldn’t even say hello or... or kiss me or something, and I thought okay, of course he’s regretting it, don’t pressure him. But it hurt like fuck, because last night for a short while I had hoped that after all these years…”

 

Levi was shocked to see actual tears in Mike’s eyes, and his mouth suddenly felt very dry. “You… you had hoped,” he said in a hollow voice.

 

Mike snorted. “How couldn’t I? I’ve been in love with you since, like, forever?”

 

“In love,” Levi parroted idiotically.

 

“Don’t tell me you didn’t know?”

 

“I didn’t. I… you never said anything. All these years, and you never said anything.”

 

“Well, you made it pretty clear that…”

 

“I just never knew what to say! I mean, you came out as gay, but you always treated me like a friend and nothing more, so I thought I was just that to you, a friend, and how could I possibly blurt out how I felt about you and ruin everything?”

 

“Okay then… how  _ did _ you feel about me?”

 

“I… fuck, I love you?”

 

Mike crossed his arms. “Well if that isn’t the most flattering confession I ever got.”

 

“And that’s the other thing! You went out and slept with half the school so how should I have guessed that you had any interest in me?”

 

“I was trying to get you out of my head, and I hoped that there would be someone I could grow to care about, but… it never worked.”

 

Levi sat back down on his bed and buried his face in his face. “So, you thought I wasn’t interested in you, and you… messed around for distraction.”

 

Mike sat down heavily next to him. “Yeah. And you thought I wasn’t interested and played the ice queen.”

 

Levi peeked through his fingers. “How’s that for epic fail? God, what a mess.”

 

“No shit, Sherlock.” Mike lay back, arms crossed behind his head. Levi mimicked his pose, and they lay side by side and stared at the ceiling.

 

**********

“So, uh, what’s happening now?” Mike ventured.

 

“Fuck if I know. I mean, can this… can we”, Levi sat back up and gestured with his finger between them, “still be a thing?”

 

Mike studied his face, then he broke into a slow smile, reached out and placed his hand on the back of Levi’s neck to slowly pull him closer. “You tell me, Levi. Can we?”

 

With a smile of himself, Levi let himself be guided towards Mike’s face, eyes drawn to slightly parted lips. Then he remembered something and placed a palm on Mike’s chest.

 

“I haven’t brushed my teeth or showered all day, and if you don’t mind I’d rather ruin the moment with a quick cleanup than with reeking like a dead possum.”

 

It was the first time Levi managed showering and toothbrushing in under ten minutes. He half-assed toweling off and yanked on a pair of clean sweatpants and a t-shirt. Acting bolder than he felt, he returned to his room and crawled on top of Mike.

 

“Sorry. So.. where were we?”

 

Mike cupped his face with his hands. “Levi… I’m so sorry for all these misunderstandings and all the time we wasted.”

 

“Then stop wasting more time already,” Levi answered and dived down to cover his mouth with a kiss. He could feel Mike’s lips curve into a grin and skimmed his tongue over them lightly until they parted invitingly. He angled his head for better access, and Mike’s tongue came up to meet his own, hands tangling in Levi’s hair. This was so much better with a sober head and without the bothering taste of alcohol. 

 

Levi broke off the kiss. “I’m sorry too. I was a dumbass.”

 

“I have an idea how you could make up for that,” Mike smirked and slid his hands under the hem of Levi’s t-shirt, pushing it up.

 

“I only just put that on,” Levi grumbled.

 

“So? Is that relevant?”

 

Levi sat up, pulled the t-shirt over his head and tossed it unceremoniously on the floor. Mike looked up at him with pure adoration.

 

“Wow,” he said and let his fingers wander over Levi’s chest and belly. “I knew you’re buff, but  _ shit _ .” He sat up too, kissed his way along Levi’s jawline and down the column of his throat, while his hands continued roaming over every ridge and curve. Levi couldn’t fight back the little gasp as thumbs brushed over his nipples. He put his arms around Mike’s back and tugged at his t-shirt. 

 

Once freed from the garment, Mike rolled Levi on his back and blanketed his smaller body with his own. Their lips met for another deep, slow kiss, and Levi’s legs wrapped around Mike’s hips. They had only just gotten started, and Levi was a little embarrassed that he was hard already, so easily excited, arousal thrumming wildly through his veins. But the way Mike pressed his clothed groin against his hardness let him suspect that he wasn’t the only one.

 

Mike grasped his thighs and rubbed his dick in tiny circles against Levi’s, and was, indeed, just as hard. “Do you have any idea how often I wanted to hold you like this?” Mike whispered against his neck. “How often I jacked off, thinking about what kinds of sounds you’d make and what your face would look like when you come. The things I wanted to do…”

 

“Well here’s your chance then,” Levi gasped. His hips rocked up against Mike, meeting every thrust, and at this rate he wasn’t going to last long and come in his pants. Especially if Mike kept talking like this. He had had no idea that dirty talk would have this kind of effect on him, and he decided to return the favor… although he wasn’t entirely sure if he’d be any good at it.

 

“I jerked off to you pretty much since I was old enough to start doing it,” he said, lightly grazing his fingernails over Mike’s chest. “And later, when I got some ideas about what two men can do… I imagined what it would feel like having your dick inside me, getting bent over and fucked until I scream. Or if you’d let me suck you off and finger you open. If you’d moan and pant and fuck yourself on my fingers for me.”

 

And the look Mike gave him, this absolutely filthy look like he was going to explode in his pants any second, told him that he just maybe might have a knack for it.

 

“Who would have thought that you could run your mouth like that. You act all prickly and bitchy and underneath that you have this dirty mind… it’s wonderful.” Mike’s hands slid up his thighs and gave the elastic of his sweatpants an experimental tug. “Is this… is this alright?”

 

Levi unwrapped his legs and lifted his hips a little, and Mike pulled down the pants slowly, reverently, giving a pleased little hum as Levi’s dick sprang free. He kissed his way back up Levi’s body, his legs, his hips, belly and chest.

 

“You’re breathtaking, do you know that?”

 

“Well, thanks I guess, but still I’d feel a little more comfortable if we’d get you out of your pants as well,” he replied, face a little pink now, because for all his brazen words it was still his first time being naked and this close to someone.

 

Mike immediately picked up on his bout of insecurity, lay down next to him and gently stroked his cheek. “We don’t have to do anything, you know. If you want to get dressed again, or just cuddle, that’s okay.”

 

Levi felt as if all air was pressed right out of him. How dare this… this  _ fluffball _ be so sweet and careful and goddamn endearing in this situation? He laughed, a little shakily.

 

“Yeah, no, it’s just that I would feel a little better if I wasn’t the only one naked and sporting a boner here is all. I mean, I want this, I want you, but still this is my first time, in this life anyway, so I’m a little nervous.”

 

Mike shut up his rambling with a kiss. “Shh, it’s okay, Levi.” He straightened up and opened the fly of his jeans. “And I’m a little nervous too, because to be honest I’ve dated a lot, but I’ve never really done much stuff, and I never actually fucked anybody. Or been fucked.”  He shed his clothes and looked over his shoulder at Levi, ears pink.

 

Levi was about to say,  _ are you shitting me? _ , but he bit it back and instead took his first good long look at Mike in all his glory. Not that the notorious boxer briefs had left much to the imagination, since even the dick outline was visible through them, but getting to see said dick up close and personal was a whole different level. And Levi was dead set on deepening this relationship more. The skin that was eternally protected from sunlight by swim trunks or shorts was a creamy white, contrasting nicely to the honeyed shade of the rest. Mike’s dick rose from a patch of blond hair, uncut and (Levi absently noted) the same shade of pink as Mike’s lips.

 

He reached out and ran one finger along the underside, and Mike gasped. Encouraged, Levi loosely wrapped his fingers around the length and gave it a stroke, pulling back the foreskin from the head completely, then pushing it back up. Some beads of precome had appeared at the slit, and Levi let his thumb circle the head, spreading the clear liquid.

 

“Shit, Levi,” Mike moaned. “Come up here and let me touch you too.”

 

Levi straddled his lap again, and now it was Mike’s turn to marvel at Levi’s dick. He was circumcised, the head different in texture from Mike’s, coarser and less sensitive. Yet to Mike’s touch it responded with an intense feeling of pleasure. Levi leaned to the side and fished a bottle of lube out of his nightstand.

 

“Is it okay if we… if we use our hands?” he asked, and Mike kissed him. 

 

“I’d love to.”

 

He poured some lube into Mike’s hand and his own, and they warmed it up a little. Then they started slowly stroking each other, and Levi lost himself in the sensation of a hand other than his own touching his cock, teasing and pleasuring it. His heartbeat was thundering so loudly in his ears that he expected some neighbors knocking on the door and demanding he cut down on the noise, but in reality the only things that could be heard in the small room was their ragged breathing and the wet squelching sounds of their hands working each other’s cock.

 

Then Mike’s free hand reached around and pulled him even closer, their dicks touching, and grasped both of them. Levi moaned loudly and started thrusting into Mike’s hand, feeling Mike’s cock glide deliciously along his own.  He too put his fingers around both of them, and raw lust and desire coiled in his guts. He held on to Mike’s neck while he bounced in his lap, little moans and whines pouring from both of them now.

 

“Fuck, Mike, I’m close, I’m going to…,” he managed, holding on to one last thread. Mike gave him a couple of fast strokes, and Levi let go, crying out as his orgasm hit him hard. Mike eased him through it until the last spurt of semen, then he turned his attention to his own erection, since Levi’s hand had fallen away. But Levi stayed his hand.

 

“Let me, Mike.” He continued stroking the taller man. “Come on, let me feel you fucking my hand.” He kept whispering filth in his ear, felt him shudder as his climax drew near.  Soon, Mike came all over Levi’s hand, shouting his name, his whole body rigid.

 

They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, trying to process what had just happened, then they toppled sideways on the bed like fallen trees. It took a while to catch their breath, and they touched each other softly and kissed, light and gentle.

 

Then Levi wrinkled his nose. “Okay, there’s no way I’m sleeping in these gross ass sheets tonight, and I can’t be arsed to change them. I’ll sleep in your room instead.”

 

Mike batted his eyelids at him. “Wow. Good thing I already have my panties off, because my prince’s smooth talking skills would have talked them right off me. I’m so flattered.”

 

Levi prickled. “Hey, you doubting my qualification as boyfriend material? I’m the smoothest motherfucker of a prince.”

 

Mike pressed a kiss to his nose. “Yeah, you are, and you’re a bitch faced sarcastic shortstack, and this princess is head over size eleven heels for you.”

 

“I draw the line at hauling you bridal style over the threshold though, because I might be buff, but not buff enough to carry your heavy ass.”

 

That night, with Mike’s long limbs draped around him, Levi slept peacefully. He dreamed. 

 

Not of the past, but of the future.

**Author's Note:**

> In case you haven´t noticed, the title is a nod to the movie Casablanca :)
> 
> You can find my SNK and personal blog under [glassesgirl0401](http://glassesgirl0401.tumblr.com)


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